Friday, 15 July 2011

Dreams

“A dream is something that fills up the emptiness inside. The one thing that, you know if it came true, all of the hurt would go away.”


If you know where that came from then shame on you! I include myself in that category but it really did make me think about dreams and what I want out of life. I know what my dream is, the thing that if it came true then all the hurt would go away, but that’s not what I want to talk about. It’s a personal thing and I think most people would be private about theirs. And to be honest I don’t think even then that all the hurt would go away but it would stop the hurt and make it a memory rather than a reality. 
Not all things we want are like that though. There are the dreams of our childhood, the small dreams of the next year or so and then there are the big dreams that are your lives work. When I was a little kid I wanted to be a teacher. I toyed with the idea of being a vet but decided I couldn’t stand to be around the sick animals (yes, I was one of those kids that took everything way too seriously) but having seen how much work teaching is and the toll it has taken on my mother I know I will never touch teaching with a barge pole. Well at least not school teaching. I have small dreams, like passing my exams (I did!) and I still have big dreams, of being happy in the future: financially stable, having my own home, having a family. I know those all sound mundane and unexciting. My updated dream job is to be researching new plants and animals in the unexplored regions of the Amazon and maybe discovering some amazing new drugs. However that doesn’t work well with my little family dream. I suspect that would be an either or situation and the family would probably win. Well that’s assuming I find someone that fits my personality enough to want to spend their life with me. Maybe he will want to come with me and we could raise our children while working and be like the wild Thornberry’s!!!  (Smashing) But I doubt it. With the jobs and property markets being what they are I think I will be lucky if I have a job that pays more than 15k and can afford the deposit to buy a small 2 bedroom semi-detached I will count myself lucky. That sounds rather sad doesn’t it? I don’t mean to say that I am resigned to a boring suburban fate. I just mean that I am realistic about what I am likely to get.

However having said that if you had told me 10 years ago that I was going to be moving to Australia to study brains then I would have told you to jog on and seek some help. So I know that life surprises me a lot and doesn’t always do what I want. Sometimes life does the exact opposite of what I want and it causes me a lot of pain, but sometimes when life does the opposite of what I was expecting it works out better than what I wanted! Like me going to University; I wanted to go to somewhere else but fate intervened and here it was, and I feel more at home here than I do anywhere else. It’s just about perspective and hindsight. My favourite song at the moment is bowling for soup – turbulence. Even though the lyrics are a little “yea don’t worry it will be ok” it helps when I feel trapped.  But what if the company I am working with next year really like me and offer me a proper job for after I have graduated? Would I move permanently to Oz? What if I can’t find a job? I fully intend to do a PhD before I die but the current plan was to have a few years in industry behind me before I did. I could go straight to studying for that. I try to have made my mind up on the issue I’m talking about in each post and this one I guess is that some dreams will never come true and some will change but that’s not always a bad thing. And sometimes having a dream will drive you to greater things that you never even thought of.