Friday, 28 December 2012


I have recently been pondering on to what extent friendship will make allowances and how far you should forgive someone. It is no secret to those close to me that some of my interactions have been tempestuous at best but recently I was accused of something so false that it doesn’t even warrant explaining. I was upset and hurting from something previous and someone I was talking to chose to take my pain and turn the knife by getting angry at me and never giving me a chance to explain. They just assumed I was cold, hard and unfeeling and that I had done them a terrible wrong by showing a weakness.

I mustered what little self-worth I had left from their attacks and told them if they didn’t want to be in my life then they shouldn’t but once gone, they can’t come back. I have since been thinking about if this was the right thing to do. Was I too harsh or potentially was this too lenient?

I know this person is a little strange and prone to overreaction. So maybe I should give them some time to cool off and calm down. Then I might be given the opportunity to explain and they would see how irrational they were being. I have known them for a number of years so if I can’t be their friend then what hope do they have?

But on the other hand, this isn’t the first time they have done something like this. They favour being dramatic and have sworn me out of their life a few times before only to return a couple of months later. Knowing them is such an emotional rollercoaster and I have stuck with them through hurt and anger. Bust surely there is a limit? Enough is enough! There must be a time where too much pain has been caused by someone and its better for you to just be rid of them for good regardless. I was upset and in need of some comfort when I reached out to them and they selfishly put their little issues above my upset.

But Matthew 6:14-15 says: For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.  But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.

So I will forgive them. I think I will stand firm with my statement that if they don’t want to be in my life then I won’t chase them to be. Im through chasing people to be in my life, it just ends in hurt. I realise how destructive and bad for me their impact so I won’t seek them out. However I will not keep a grudge. It’s not healthy for me or for them and to forgive is the Christian thing to do.

Monday, 24 December 2012

Christmas “break”

So I have been on Christmas holiday for over a week now and it doesn’t feel like it at all! The first few days were spent in bed with a very nasty cold that seems to have been going round the university just in time for the holidays. Maybe that shows evolution of viruses so much that they have now realised that for maximum infection you should infect a university just before they all go home for the holidays and can infect regions across the UK and beyond!

Then the next 3 days were spent furiously working on a lab report that was due in the holidays. Im not complaining that the due date was in the holidays at all as our due dates are always a Tuesday and if the lab report wasn’t due in the holidays it would have meant one less week to work on it. Me being me I had left it till the last minute thinking I could spend all of that week on it. I hadn’t anticipated the cold though…. That was a surprise! So with only 3 days to complete it I set to work. Now 3 days for a lab report sounds alright but this one was a lab experiment the whole class had been working on for over 2 months and we were just given the data and told to go away and analyse it. This meant that everyone had compiled different analysies and no ones was comparable. I wasn’t the only one working late into the night the day before it was due. In fact I like to think, of those panicking at 3am, I was one of the calmest and most prepared! The hand in office was a photo finish with myself and a few others only just making it. I was going to tell everyone I was there with hours to spend but that lasted about 5 mins as too many people has seen me run past. I don’t care, I got it done.

That night didn’t let up either. I have registered to an online training programme that gives me a qualification that will help me with job applcations. But the deadline for completing this was only announced a few days before! So on 4 hours sleep from the night before and having run a couple of miles to campus to hand my report in, I started this course of 3 modules and one exam. I had to cancel plans to go to the pub for the quiz which was disappointing. I passed though.

The next day I was meant to get up early and start revision but my 4 hours the last night meant that my body had other ideas. My 7.30 alarm was turned off and I went straight back to sleep…. For 5 more hours! I got a very little bit of work done on a research proposal I needed to have done but as my body was all confused it didn’t work well.

We have now reached Thursday and day 6 of the “holiday”. It was spent still working on this research proposal but that evening was fun though. My flat made a fort in the kitchen and we had wine, cake and a film. So I guess that was holiday-ish.

Friday morning was spent with a sugar hangover from the night before. When did I get old enough to start having sugar hangovers?! I wasn’t sure what to do for a sugar headache so treated it like a normal hangover: lots of water, some rest and being quiet. More work on this research proposal and I was meant to clean the bathroom but that didn’t happen at all! I did put my floordrobe away though.

Saturday I was up early as my father was coming to get me to spend Christmas at my parents. I needed to pack work, clothes, wrap Christmas presents and I still needed to clean the bathroom! Somehow I managed to be ready to go at the right time. The heavens had opened and it was a slow journey home. The flooding around my parent’s house was worse than expected. So much so that the village may as well be renamed to be an island! We had to take the long way round to make it in and then got soggy brining my stuff in as it was still raining! Noah? Are you out there? Do you need a girlfriend? Ha. Eventually back at my parent’s house I wasted no time and set to work on an application that was due. Honestly who sets an application deadline for a Sunday?! Only took me an hour or so though which was nice. I was meant to be having a night out with some of my mates from 6th form but as none of them had a boat to rescue me from my moat guarded castle, I couldn’t make it.

Sunday I did do something Christmasy! I went to tesco with my father as I didn’t trust him to go by himself. The supermarket was not impossible but deffo very busy! 2 hours and -£££ later I felt we were now stocked for Christmas. Plus I got to pick out some of my favourite Christmas treats like chocolate brazil nuts, expensive chutney and Christmas crackers with the good toys in. However I realised how many Christmas foods are dairy! My lactose intolerance doesn’t usually get in the way but when you can’t eat a mince pie with boozy cream, eat all the yummy cheese or even have an egg nog latte in starbucks it gets a little disheartening. I recently discovered that quality street are laden with lactose! That’s just not fair. The ingredients say: Sweetened Condensed Skimmed Milk, Dried Whole Milk, Lactose and Proteins from Whey, Whey Powder, Butter and Dried Skimmed Milk. Ok I can understand the milk stuff as nearly all of them are covered in chocolate but adding more lactose and whey is unnecessary surely?! Grumble grumble grumble. My mother is making me a lemon meringue pie to compensate though.

Anyway I finished the research proposal on Sunday and got that sent off. Monday I had to alter a manuscript I want to have published. There’s nothing like casually having to remove a fifth of the words from an already condensed script. So Christmas Eve has been spent working as well!

I’m determined not to work tomorrow (Christmas day) but given that I’ve had over a week off and I haven’t actually done any revision or dissertation work yet, I have to make up for lost time and work like stink boxing day onwards! Oh goodie!

Happy Christmas everyone!

Sunday, 16 December 2012

Life is too short to live without poetry, If you've got soul, darling, now come on and show it to me

Colors of Poetry abstract, 
by artist Kit Hevron Mahoney
Those are lyrics from a Frank Turner song but they got me thinking. When was the last time I stopped to find the poetry in something or show my soul?

I got instagram a couple of months ago and thought it was going to revolutionise my life as I would constantly be looking for things that I found interesting and beautiful to post. It worked for a few days but now I just instagram cute cupcakes and my fingernails like every other sod on there. At least I don’t have pictures of me on there, that’s what facebook is for, people! But the point is; I took what was meant to be an opportunity for beauty and turned it into something bland and mundane. Damn.

So how are we to put poetry into our lives? I like to think that I have soul and that I am not merely the sum of all my biological components, so how do I show it? Well if your biological side is only concerned with self-preservation then I guess soul is taking risks in spite that they could damage you. So having soul is having the courage to do things. Nelson Mandela has said “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear”. Wise man.

Now, that doesn’t mean that we should all go about doing dangerous things just for the sake of it; that’s foolish not courageous. But having courage to do things is a lot easier said than done. In some respects I am courageous. Moving to Australia was courageous, going to uni was courageous, applying for post grad jobs regardless of location is courageous but in some respects I am a total coward. There are a lot of things I hold back from because I am scared.

I think that to show soul and poetry in my life I need to come out of my comfort zone a little more and take some of those illogical risks that I’ve stopped myself from taking before and I would urge you to do the same! All the opportunities are out there waiting for you to embrace them. Take that job in another country! Forgive that person! Keep that baby! Travel the world! Tell that person you love them! Whatever it is that you are too scared to do but want to.

Good luck to us all.

Friday, 7 December 2012

It’s my body (and ill cry if I want to)

So recently I have been thinking about what is acceptable and what is not with regards to medical care. Not about the treatment given but the level of acceptance that a thorough job has been done. What if you and your family were content that your Dr had sorted a problem but your boyfriends family were not and insisted on you seeing their Dr instead. The more I thought about this, the more it got me really, very angry! How dare they tell you what you should do with your body and who you should see for medical advice?!  They are hardly connected to you at all It’s insulting to the core.

Either they think that you aren’t capable of looking after yourself, which as a 22 year old, you are and has been for many years! Or the other option is that they have an ulterior motive and just want to have a check up on you for as the potential mother to their grandchildren. Either way this is unacceptable and disgusting.

Possibly what makes me angrier is that you might be thinking of doing it just to keep them happy! No, you never let someone manipulate you to doing something you don’t want to do with your body. And last time I checked, making someone put something in their body that they didn’t want to, was rape. Ok, so maybe that’s a bit of an overreaction but it’s the same principle; it’s your body and you should decide what happens to it.

Also where did they get this information and idea from? What if it was your boyfriend that suggested this hideous plan to begin with? This shows the most patronising and domineering behaviour that I would class as a deal breaker. Don’t confuse “controlling” with “caring” or “possessive” with “protective” it puts a massive dent into gender equality and is NOT the sort of person I would encourage anyone to be in a relationship with.

I have decided that if anyone asked me to do I would tell them to shove their gynaecologist somewhere you’d need a proctologist to get them out!

Wednesday, 5 December 2012

Christmas shopping

So I’ve been getting requests for more posts again which is always nice.

Yesterday, I spent the whole afternoon in town trying to Christmas shop. I spent 5 hours in town and I bought: lunch. That was it!! I found lots of things that I wanted, but nothing that I felt would be good for any of my family or friends. Then this morning I spent two hours online and managed to order presents for my whole family! And I was much warmer in my pjs inside and I had a free lunch! I can totally see why people prefer to shop online, which I’m not sure if this is a good thing or a bad thing.

My primary concern is obviously shoe shopping. You can’t try on shoes online and whereas clothes they can put the measurements online and an inch is an inch where ever you are, but a size 5 shoe is not the same size everywhere by any stretch of the imagination. Last week I bought 2 pairs of shoes in the same day, I bought a 4 in one shop and a 6 in another!

But seriously, it may also be to do with the economy at the moment. Things online are usually cheaper because you don’t have to pay for staff or the physical shop hire. This may keep things more competitive. But if wholesalers are now online they will be able to offer the same products cheaper which might mean the independent shops get a raw deal? No idea, talk to an economist.

I don’t like not being able to physically see what I’m buying before paying for it but so far most things I have got online have been up to standard. There is the occasional throw ball like things that say they are a size 8 but are actually an 18 or things that take friggin forever to come!

But I am impressed at how easy it has been to get everything ordered and coming to me with lots of time before Christmas. Takes the stress out of Christmas shopping nicely as I hate going and fighting with the hordes of people that get in the way, walk to slowly, barge past you, suddenly stop in the middle of a street, stand in doorways, and prams! Don’t get me started on prams! Your baby does not have an opinion on that ugly jumper, leave it at home! There should be pram free days of shopping. Or an age limit; over 18s shopping - Oooh sounds kinky.

I do enjoy the Christmas food that has appeared in the shops though. I know it’s been there since October but I’ve stopped ignoring it now its December and there’s mince pies aplenty, mulled wine to sip and the big tubes of twiglets are back! Why don’t they sell twiglets in that quantity normally?!

It’s going to be a little odd given that I was on the beach last Christmas, but there are some people I know from Australia “doing Europe” at the moment so they help a lot. I caught up with them a few days ago and it made me realise how much I bloody miss Australia!

Anyway that’s my Christmas rant so far. Oh wait it’s not, we had snow this morning! It had all melted by the time I went out but still; snow! It might be a white Christmas after all!

There I really am done now.
Good luck surviving Christmas!