Wednesday, 7 June 2017

Be proud of height

Martin Harvey/Alamy Stock Photo

Today I had this conversation:

Person At Meeting: You are tall aren't you? I don't remember you being this tall last meeting.
Me: Oh well I'm in heels today *points at black patent T-bars*
PAM: *looks* yes but you must be tall, taller than me anyway
Me: Well I'm taller than most people, don't worry about it

Does that seem a normal conversation to you? It did to me at the time but the more I think about it the more angry I get at myself.

Firstly the initial comment is a fairly well meaning, if slightly misguided, attempt at small talk. However it is slightly odd to respond to. "Yes I am" seems a bit of a conversation killer. "No you're just short" is only true some of the time. When someone points out I am tall I usually respond by sarcastically pretending I had no idea but this wasn't someone I knew well enough to class this as banter rather than rudeness.

So apparently I came up with an excuse?! I am tall for a girl in this country. Wikipedia thinks that the average height for a woman in the UK is 5'5. I am just shy of 5'10 so I am statistically tall. I like to think of my height as 10% extra free so why did I feel the need to justify why I appeared tall? There's nothing wrong with me being tall so why did I do that?

Then, to make it worse, PAM (who is male for the record, PAM stands for person at meeting, not a lady called Pam) points out I am taller than him and I feel the need to apologise for that again and reassure him that its nothing to be worried about! For goodness sake. He wasn't bothered that I was taller than him yet still I felt the need to add in the extra provision as if my height was somehow disrespectful to him.

Where did that come from? Why am I ashamed of my height so much that I think other people are offended by it? If anyone genuinely is bothered that I am taller than them then that is their insecurity not mine. This however is my insecurity that I am bothered if other people may be bothered by my height. How impossibly British is that? 

Maybe it's because he was a man and in a self depreciating moment I succumbed to the patriarchy and thought women couldn't be taller than men? Perhaps it is from being tall and therefore "different" through school? Tall women are in celebrity magazines and runways so it should be a desirable thing. Many of my short friends would love to be taller and find their height to be distinctly inconvenient. 

So, note to self. Be proud of height. It isn't bothering anyone else, and if it is - I shouldn't care!